You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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