and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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