After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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