Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
