so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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