I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
