Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Randomize
