so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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