Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He passed out mid-signature
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize