Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
