just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
