Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize