Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
