Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize