YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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