They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
