I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
