What a fucking waste of an outfit
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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