the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
