Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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