he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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