i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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