I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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