Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
