I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
