it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
