I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
