Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Randomize
