RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
