HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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