Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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