Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize