Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
