Having a random hookup so left but love u
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
