He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
