i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
