thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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