shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Boobs speak an international language.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
