Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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