Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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