I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize