and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We left the knife in your bed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize