There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
