I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
