and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
