I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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