I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
