becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
