i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
