Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
