Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
