I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
