Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
