i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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