Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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