I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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