No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
