Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
