There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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