she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
