The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
