I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize