Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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