I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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