look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We're too hungover to prance.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
