Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize