We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
a search helicopter?!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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